Sunday, January 1, 2012

2012 huh?

2011 wasn't all that bad. I accomplished much. I had a son, bought a house, bought a family car, got a new job, and formed a metal band. All in all I'd say it was a win. It was a lot of work, but a win for my family.
Fiji
Yes. Good stuff. I was also completely numb through the entire thing. Like I was on auto-pilot. So I decided to do something about it. I've been on ADHD and anti-anxiety drugs for a long time. A long time. When my son was born I decided I wanted him to know his dad dad. Not a fucking doped up socially acceptable zombie. I say that because I am an anxious, temper-ridden, loud, obnoxious, 3-second attention span, mother-fucker, who has no filter. I forgot I guess. People didn't like me and college didn't either. No meds, no degree or social interactions.

So I said fuck it. Fifteen years later I realized, I'm still a social failure, I have awful anxiety, and people, including my wife, don't seem to like the real me. I'm so behind at work I'm afraid of being fired. My family is afraid of me, Even the dogs. People ask me what my problem is. Nothing this is the real me. Well, nobody reads 10 page blogs, so that's it maybe more later.

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