Ah, Christmas. I haven't been in the spirit lately, I guess because I'm getting old, but like always, I find reasons to enjoy the holidays and my spirit is renewed.
It was EXTRA special this year though. In the wake of economic hardships, a new baby, and parents that get paid every two weeks, sometimes the simplest things have to be postponed for a little bit. Shit happens, and Toilet paper is one of those things.
Two days before I got paid this week, I was on the pot taking care of business, when I realized I had no way to ummm.... Close the deal. Shit. I did what I always do, I yelled for my wife. No response. Oh yeah, she's shopping with her mom. Well, at least I was sitting and comfy so I could figure this thing out.
I looked around me, nothing. I could use one of the wife's pads or disassemble a tampon, I had done it before, but she paid good money for those. No, I knew what I had to do. So like a prisoner in leg shackles I shuffled down the hall, careful not to let the cheeks touch or trip and fall on my face. I surveyed the area for anything of use. Paper towels? Nope, out of those too. Fast food napkins? I can't afford fast food. Ok. Think. And then it hit me.
There on the table, was my savior. The wife's office had exchanged gifts the day before and someone had given her a beautiful Christmas bag stuffed with red tissue paper. Tissue being the key word here. As I shuffled back down the hall and softened my new found hope, I thought, Merry Christmas to me. :-)
Omg.
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